[ if he'd not answered, she thinks she might have crept in, just to reassure herself that he was there. but instead, the door is opened, and she's blinking up at a face that seems like a dizzying combination of Zixuan and a-Cheng and it's just as disorienting and wonderful as the first time she saw him. ]
Ah-- [ she lilts it in a very similar way to him, and swallows back a moment of amusement at that realisation. ] I... did I wake you?
[ she steps carefully inside, the room not much changed since she'd first looked around the house. ]
No? [ can he not sleep? it wouldn't be a surprise, she's fairly sure they're all struggling with one thing or another. she considers the strangely raised desk, and then sits on the edge of the bed instead. her expression in the dim room is expectant, open. a little nervous. ]
[ he follows her, but stop a few steps away, fidgeting, takes a breath, as if he's going to say something, and then shuts his mouth again. she looks nervous, and what if he says something dumb again? he hates that he's so bad at this, that he can't even begin a conversation with his own mother and that he's just a ball of anxiety.
after a couple of moments, he drops down to sit on the floor, properly in front of her, hands on his knees. at least it feels better than to constantly keep looking down on her. yet he still opts to look at his hands instead, how the fabric of his robes crinkle a little under them, voice caught in a mumble. ]
That's to be expected, but... [ she'd rather he got some sleep. she almost recoils in surprise when he sits in front of her - the image, a young man in even the basic layers of his Jin regalia, kneeling, is so dissonant, but hadn't she dreamed of this, during the pregnancy? talked to a son who did not yet exist, shared her worries, her hopes?
that, and her long practise looking across at her brothers, has her relaxed enough, familiar enough, suddenly, with this pose, that she reaches forward and begins to take down his hair without thinking about it. it feels natural, even as the voice of her mother, internalised, scolds her for doing the tasks of a servant. ]
[ he would want to get some sleep too, but he's still too jittery, still nervous and feeling inadequate and careful with his own actions. he's not used to keeping an eye on his conduct in this way, and at the back of his mind, the thought is probably a good thing, the restraint. it's something he's still working on, in all aspects of his life.
he doesn't dare meet her eyes until she reaches out to undo his hair, and he looks up, eyes wide, a little too stunned to move or pull away. the thought that it's a servant's job doesn't cross his mind at all. as soon as he'd mastered the intricate ponytail and woven in beads, he'd stubbornly refused anyone else doing it for him, to the point where he wouldn't let anyone see him with his hair down, not even his Jiujiu. it's born out of the need to keep his facade up, the tightly wound control he's trying to not let slip through his fingers in front of power hungry Jin officials ready to jump at any show of weakness and exploit it for their own gain.
he feels vulnerable like this, without the control of the tresses kept back, away from his face, but... it's also comforting, his mothers hand gentle in a way he's not used to. it takes a moment before he finds his voice again to reply, words caught in his throat. ]
...ah... I... from before I can remember. I had them before I got Fairy.
[ she glances over at where the dog in question is snoozing near the door, ears occasionally swivelling in their direction, her tail wagging slowly. keeping him company all this time - she'll have to make her something special for tomorrow, in thanks. ]
Mm, if you ask me, they suit you. [ it's said absently, as she smooths out a section around his ear. ah, they really need to pick up proper toiletries. the soaps she's seen in the house really aren't the kind she'd think to use for hair as fine as his or Zixuan's. she finds herself making a list in her head as she works, of little things they'll need to find in the markets. ]
[ Fairy would probably be delighted, but she's also easily entertained and happy with anything.
Jin Ling almost flushes a little red at the praise. anyone else could say the beads would suit him and he'd just go 'of course why would I wear them otherwise?' but when his mother says it he just feels embarrassed. ]
"Thank you, niang."
[ his voice is a little quiet, and he swallows. it's an odd feeling to have someone else touch his hair, but it's nice, and it feels... special. he wants to lean his head into her hands but dares not really move too much and just lets her work on it. ]
[ it's surprisingly easy to be lulled by the motions, even as she conveniently doesn't note the embarrassed flush with anything more than a soft, directionless smile and a murmured reassurance. his not pulling away is such a balm to her that she allows herself a little whimsy. ]
Your hair is like your father's. [ hers has always been a little flyaway, not quite as sleek as it should be, she'd hoped he'd take after Zixuan. but more than a silly observation, it's a proof of connection.
and there, she's finished. she should pull away, but... instead, she rests a hand against his hair, thumb smoothing down the strands. ]
[ he's a little speechless at that, because he's wanted to compare himself to his father in many ways, tried to live up to the image put in front of him since he was a child. and now when he's met him, realized they are kind of similar in many ways, it's warming to hear it from the most reliable source. ]
Really? [ not that it doesn't embarrass him further, because it does, but he allows himself a small happy smile, looking down again, curling his hands in his lap.
he doesn't pull away once she's done, just tries to relax further, letting her do whatever, though he still sits perfectly obedient and still, feeling calmed just by her presence in general. ]
He's very careful with it, too. [ Her tone is teasing, but her eyes are soft and almost proud. And then... they sit. The only way she'll be the first to move is if he starts to look uncomfortable, else she clears her throat and speaks again. ]
[ he tries his best with that, even in the midst of running around on night hunts and being a reckless teenager. he's aware of the importance of image, more so out of survival instinct than pride, perhaps. though of course there is pride too.
he stays put where he is, doesn't want to move, because this is comfortable and he feels his unease and worry slip away a little. ]
Yes... I just... Jiujiu talked about you sometimes. Whatever anyone else said, I never trusted.
[ he has so many questions but none of them come to him right now and it's frustrating to be so at loss for words. ]
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rootstalks) wrote2020-08-02 12:34 am
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aefenglom
no subject
Ah-- [ she lilts it in a very similar way to him, and swallows back a moment of amusement at that realisation. ] I... did I wake you?
no subject
No, I... I wasn't asleep.
no subject
No? [ can he not sleep? it wouldn't be a surprise, she's fairly sure they're all struggling with one thing or another. she considers the strangely raised desk, and then sits on the edge of the bed instead. her expression in the dim room is expectant, open. a little nervous. ]
no subject
after a couple of moments, he drops down to sit on the floor, properly in front of her, hands on his knees. at least it feels better than to constantly keep looking down on her. yet he still opts to look at his hands instead, how the fabric of his robes crinkle a little under them, voice caught in a mumble. ]
Mm. I'm not really tired.
no subject
that, and her long practise looking across at her brothers, has her relaxed enough, familiar enough, suddenly, with this pose, that she reaches forward and begins to take down his hair without thinking about it. it feels natural, even as the voice of her mother, internalised, scolds her for doing the tasks of a servant. ]
These beads... When did you start wearing them?
no subject
he doesn't dare meet her eyes until she reaches out to undo his hair, and he looks up, eyes wide, a little too stunned to move or pull away. the thought that it's a servant's job doesn't cross his mind at all. as soon as he'd mastered the intricate ponytail and woven in beads, he'd stubbornly refused anyone else doing it for him, to the point where he wouldn't let anyone see him with his hair down, not even his Jiujiu. it's born out of the need to keep his facade up, the tightly wound control he's trying to not let slip through his fingers in front of power hungry Jin officials ready to jump at any show of weakness and exploit it for their own gain.
he feels vulnerable like this, without the control of the tresses kept back, away from his face, but... it's also comforting, his mothers hand gentle in a way he's not used to. it takes a moment before he finds his voice again to reply, words caught in his throat. ]
...ah... I... from before I can remember. I had them before I got Fairy.
no subject
Mm, if you ask me, they suit you. [ it's said absently, as she smooths out a section around his ear. ah, they really need to pick up proper toiletries. the soaps she's seen in the house really aren't the kind she'd think to use for hair as fine as his or Zixuan's. she finds herself making a list in her head as she works, of little things they'll need to find in the markets. ]
no subject
Jin Ling almost flushes a little red at the praise. anyone else could say the beads would suit him and he'd just go 'of course why would I wear them otherwise?' but when his mother says it he just feels embarrassed. ]
"Thank you, niang."
[ his voice is a little quiet, and he swallows. it's an odd feeling to have someone else touch his hair, but it's nice, and it feels... special. he wants to lean his head into her hands but dares not really move too much and just lets her work on it. ]
no subject
Your hair is like your father's. [ hers has always been a little flyaway, not quite as sleek as it should be, she'd hoped he'd take after Zixuan. but more than a silly observation, it's a proof of connection.
and there, she's finished. she should pull away, but... instead, she rests a hand against his hair, thumb smoothing down the strands. ]
no subject
Really? [ not that it doesn't embarrass him further, because it does, but he allows himself a small happy smile, looking down again, curling his hands in his lap.
he doesn't pull away once she's done, just tries to relax further, letting her do whatever, though he still sits perfectly obedient and still, feeling calmed just by her presence in general. ]
no subject
... Do you have any questions? About... about us?
no subject
[ he tries his best with that, even in the midst of running around on night hunts and being a reckless teenager. he's aware of the importance of image, more so out of survival instinct than pride, perhaps. though of course there is pride too.
he stays put where he is, doesn't want to move, because this is comfortable and he feels his unease and worry slip away a little. ]
Yes... I just... Jiujiu talked about you sometimes. Whatever anyone else said, I never trusted.
[ he has so many questions but none of them come to him right now and it's frustrating to be so at loss for words. ]